youre lurking in front of me
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
