I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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