Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
