the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
