I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize