I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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