Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
