drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
