why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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