so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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