Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
