i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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