Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You may now shotgun with the bride
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
