There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
