his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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