I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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