Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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