i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
