Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
