I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
