eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
