I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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