please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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