we made out on top of his cat.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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