I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
