The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
