It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
