Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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