i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
