He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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