Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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