You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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