Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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