Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
