i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
