It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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