Your tits are I can't wait for
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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