anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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