What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
