Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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