At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
