Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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