I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
