It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
