I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
