i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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