oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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