Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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