when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
