Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
