I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize