I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
