That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
