Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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