my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
