Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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