Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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