I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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