I feel like abortions should bother me more
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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