Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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