I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
