I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
