I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
