Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
