they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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