Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
