where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
