$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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